Monday, November 9, 2009

I only blog ridiculously late at night... (348 am)

So I thought I would write a line or two for the two people who might read this. How sad is it that neither one of those two people is my mom? LOL. Hi Deanna. Hi Renee :)
So I guess that the biggest change in my life lately is that I have started teaching more English lessons. It's good money, and its easy money, so what's not to like? Ultimately this is going to allow me to have more money and more time off, so I can dedicate that to my music and photography.

The only other "update" is that I am feeling more relaxed these days. There have been things stirring up my heart lately, things that I won't speak of on a public blog. Anyway, I finally came to the end of my rope and definitely rested it in God's hands. I admit that I feel doubt and see how I could start slipping into overthinking, obsessing, getting paranoid, but I am doing a pretty good job at stopping myself. I have little conversations with God throughout my day, when I see this happening. I can definitely see myself moving forward from this dark place.
I attribute this small victory to a conversation I had with my dad the other day. I was telling him that I don't like to get my hopes up about things that may not happen, so I tend to be somewhat of a pessimist. He kindly told me that I should allow myself to think that things will work out in the end. He said something like "You don't want to get your hopes up and be hurt if it doesn't work out in the end, but you allow yourself to always be thinking that your worst fears will come true. You try to protect yourself, but it doesn't work because eventually instead of hurting ONCE if it doesn't work out, you hurt every couple days when you let your thoughts get to you"
So basically... my dad is right, just don't tell him I said that. He.Would.Love.It. Haha.
This is all to say that, again, in my dad's words: "What happens, happens. What doesn't, doesn't." I am just really getting to that point where I realize that life goes on, and I never know what's around the corner. I am ready to be happy with where my life is right now. This doesn't mean that I will stop working on my future, it just means that I will try to not get too frustrated with where I am now! YAY!

One more thing, I am planning on working on some more of my music. Music has been on the back burner for the past couple of months as photography was taking most of my attention. I even thought about quitting, but ultimately decided against it. I am hoping to finish more songs, record more tracks, and just dive right into that process again. I even have the opportunity to try to get that scholarship in Boston again... but I don't think I'm gonna try out. Ultimately I dont really want to be living in Boston next year. I would LOVE to go to that school... I just don't feel like that is where God is leading me right now. Anyway... this is it. Keep me in your prayers.

love love!


Thursday, October 15, 2009

5 minutes

It is 3 am in Spain. What am I doing up? Well, I was editing a slideshow, hoping to finish. Like I usually do every once in a while I take a little facebook break, make sure I am not missing out on anything important or whatever. So I see a status update on a friend which is linked to a youtube video. To keep it short there were people out there doing small things to them that were big things to others, in God's name. I want to be one of those people. I think I get stuck in thinking about how much time I will have to sacrifice to do things like that. Most of the time I'm not even as busy as I claim to be. It happens. Anyway, I find that one of the things that I am always putting off and "too busy to do right now" is my quiet time. I know, big mistake. But it seems that God is always teaching me something new. I have been experiencing for the last couple of weeks that if I give God an inch, he can stretch it a mile. What I mean with this is... I always want to have amazingly long quiet times where I dedicate my whole attention to God for extended periods of time. What is the problem with that? I end up considering how long its going to take me and keep on putting it off until it is WAY too late to start now. So... what I have been doing lately is just give God... 5, 10, 15 minutes. Its not a lot. I just sit down and even if its for 5 minutes I give him as much of my attention as I possibly can. Sometimes I talk. Sometimes I listen. Sometimes I just soak in the peace. It is amazing what can happen in 5 minutes!! What else could possibly change your life (for the better) in 5 minutes? Also, I will say that a lot of times those "5 minutes" turn into a longer period of time. Gosh, I would hope so! That is one of the best parts too...
Anyway, I guess that this whole rambling is to say: Give Him 5 minutes. Even if you're just driving to the store, or during a commercial break, or whatever. Give God 5 minutes because, hey, if He created everything in 7 days... He could do something amazing in your life in 5 minutes, right?
One more thing I've been doing lately is that if I find that I am feeling worried, overwhelmed, doubtful, scared, or particularily stressed... I just hand it over to God. Sometimes I actually physically raise it up to Him. It takes some practice, faith, and repetition... but eventually I do start letting go of whatever it is and place it in His hands where it belongs.
So... this is my little update. Other than that I am doing the usual. I will update on my recent activities later on. I need to finish this slideshow and go to bed!

Love! Love!


Thursday, September 17, 2009

Hi Deanna

Hi Deanna!
I figured that since you are my only follower I would at least give you some attention! LOL

Saturday, September 12, 2009

How Much Do We Choose To Remember

I know I will never hear the end of this. Yes, we remember 9-11. Yes, it was a tragedy and we shouldn't forget it. The thing is that it is so self-centered and selfish of America to focus all of the attention on that, when, really, there are SO many people dying DAILY in third world countries, and nobody cares. Nobody remembers kids dying of starvation in Cambodia. Nobody remembers girls that are traded in for refrigerators and sold to prostitution in China. Nobody remembers, men, women, and children that are brutally murdered by guerrillas in Africa. Why? I don't know. Is it because they are nameless? Because they aren't mentioned daily in the news? Because we figure that organizations like UNICEF are taking care of it'?Or is easier for us to look the other way and pretend like there is nothing we can do about it? I dont know. My point is, yes, 9-11 was a horrible day in history and it should have NEVER happened. But there are things going on in the world that should never happen either, and it doesn't seem to get as much attention or keep people from sleeping as much as 9-11 does. I some people are gonna get upset, I know some people are gonna say that I am not patriotic, I know. Well, those people shouldnt get upset, they should try to honestly see if there might be any truth to what I am saying. But I am too patriotic, American flag pinned up to my ceiling and all, but I am just not blind.
Ugh... go ahead. Hate me.

Oh, and while I am at it... whats the deal with this H1N1 scare? It pretty much doesnt even kill nearly as much as the regular flu does... but those labs are gonna make a killing selling the preventive shots. Right in the middle of a a worldwide financial crisis... I bet they will call it a happy coincidence too!

Sorry guys, I seem to be feeling oddly political tonight. Someone give me a hot cup ' joe, an oval office, and call me Commander and Chief! LOL...NOT!!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Cha Cha Cha Chaaaaanging... life is good...

Does anybody know that song? it is now stuck in my head and I can't seem to remember a good enough line of it to google it. Anyway, change. Yup, it comes and goes. Most of us are a little afraid to see it coming. Change forces us to face things that we may have been avoiding to see for a while. It forces us to take action. It makes us step out of our comfort zone. Ultimately, we know that change is good, change is evolution, and without it we would never grow and mature and that it is a necessity in life. That being said, who really wants to be stuck in the middle of that process? Who wants to face their fears full on not knowing what the end will be? As Christians we are always praying to be "broken down" and "built back up" by the Holy Spirit, and become more like who God wants us to be. That being said, who really wants to be down on their knees, crying, at their lowest low? I dont, I will admit it. It doesnt mean that I wont do it, it just means that in the end it all translates into fear, and fear is one of the things that can keep the smallest men from turning into a giants. It is the quickest emergency brake, in any situation. We all want to be brave, we all want to say that we are really "only" afraid of spiders, or dogs, or flying, but in reality we are all afraid of most everything most of the time. Isn't that inspiring? Not really.
My life has been flooded with change this past year. To no surprise, really, God told me it would be, but that doesnt make it that much easier. Change has come in many forms, good and bad. I have bought a new camera (good) and heard about friends or relatives being seriously ill(bad). I have had the opportunity of traveling a lot (even better!) and had to face the painful consequences of my stupid and selfish actions (even worse!) ... so, everything is changing.
But I think that the worst kind of change, at least for me, is the kind that is completely out of our control. I know that technically, if you look at the big picture, everything is out of our control because at any given moment we could choke on some steak, get run over by a bus, or even more likely, in these days, get fired. But we all like to think we are in control, right? I am a go-getter. I am not ashamed. I also set goals, which is the best way for me to not get distracted or lazy. I am a lady in action! Haha... you would see now how hard it is for me to leave things up in the air for other people to take action, or wait for God's timing to come around. Which right now seems to be the theme of my life. Work and friendships are all wrapped around this last theme. I just hate not knowing. If I knew that everything would turn out alright in the end, then I wouldnt worry, I wouldnt cry, I wouldnt talk my dad's ear off every three days about how the sky is falling. So I guess its really an issue with faith. I need to have faith that everything will turn out OK, and then I will do better. The only way of doing this is to strengthen my relationship with God, which involves a serious time commitment from my part, and willingness to listen. So... change, fear, faith. That is the equation right now, that is what keeps me up at night. At the same time though, it might just be what keeps me going.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

This entry is to develop good blogging habits! Two days in a row! :)

So this is by far the most interesting thing to happen to me today. I went out to lunch with a friend, and he had been fixing his friends' computer, and wasnt done when I was ready to meet... so his friend (who I know back from last year) decided to come along too. This guy is not a bad guy, but he is one of those that can be really fun but exhausting to hang out with at the same time. I sometimes feel shame, at other times I feel like I am babysitting, but it's all in good fun, right? Anyway, when we were done with lunch, he had to go to work. He is currently working as some kind of martial arts' instructor. You know me, they are all "karate" to me! LOL. So we went over to the gym and he opened it up for us and got things ready for his lessons. Then I was struck with inspiration! This is what I came up with and already talked through with him. I want to be scheduling another photo shoot in maybe a month or two... this one is for free, for the sole purpose of advertising my business... I need the owners to say its OK, but here's the plan

I have a friend who works at a gym as a martial arts instructor, and he teaches 100 kids. So I was thinking about going to one of the lessons and doing a photo shoot. Get home, do some editing, and get some prints. The week after (or whenever I am done) I go back and send the kids home with an evelope with a Group Shot, a Headshot, and a business card! Maybe throw in a flyer that explains what kind of events I plan on working through (Weddings, birthday parties, banquets, dances, athletic events, etc...)

wow... that would be an out of normal original, and very impresive...that would be quite expensive, but u gotta think bout it as a "first" step to a bigger business...

i like ur idea very much....

if u really beleve God's with u in this.......u will for sure succeed in this "move"


well, I think it wont cost me more than 30 euros, and if 1 out of 20 parents wants a shoot (and we are talking about people with money here) then I would get between 500 and 1000 euros. If one out of 20 wants, between 250 and 500... and, you know... just do the math. Even if just 2 people want it, that is still more money than I would have put into it. Plus, I would still get the advertising, and I would still get the experience.

BTW, you are (of course) expected to come and get some video footage of this session, I think it would really add some variety to the couple shoots and all that, you know?

Like, in a gym, surrounded by people.... I like it! :):)

I would definetly need your camera though, because my camera would NOT do well with that kind of lighting! :/:/


count on me..... ;);)

yes.... it's all bout experience and getting into the business...


yeah, so then I am thinking... maybe only a few people call (more than likely, actually) but then if they are satisfied customers, they might refer me to other people, you know? So, I dont know... i am hoping this works out. I am also thinking that I can do this a bunch of times if I want, with different activities. I dont know, I will check it out and see how it goes this time around. :):)

One of the other things I was wanting to do was some other sports related photo shoots. I am going to go the biggest park in Bilbao one day and randomly shoot people playing basketball. My friend Ienego is one of the guys who is there a lot and he says that people are always taking pictures and that the regular players dont mind, and sometimes even pose! I think I will just get there, shoot some pictures, hand out some business cards... see what happens.
I just keep on thinking about marketability lately and different ways of putting myself out there! Its crazy, I've never been much of a sales person at all! I remember that I was also thinking back in the day of having a t shirt designed, also for publicity. It may not be classy, but feel that its professional (kinds like a uniform, black skinnies, black shirt, and some awesome belt and scarf to make it fun) and I think that visually it helps get my name out there. I noticed when I was shooting pictures in downtown Bilbao on my very first shoot (with the same friend, Ienego) that people are always staring, sometimes even stoping, to see what you're doing. So I was thinking of getting a t-shirt designed. Black, white letters, and it says my website on the back of it or something. You know? I also feel like that also helps get people's attention.
Of course, this is going to actually COST me money, but I find that it is one of the basic principles of good business to be aware that in order to make money you must first spend money. So.. any thoughts? I really hope this works. Also, I feel like God is with me on this, and I also feel that with this and with another more personal matter He is calling me to once again trust Him with the outcome. So... that's basically what has happened today. I am tired from work, I think I am going to record a video to a friends' FB wall and call it a night! :)

Peace Out


Thursday, August 6, 2009

First Post! YAY!

Okay, so here's the thing. You know when you can see something is coming for a really long time but you try to ignore it, knowing that it is pointless because it will catch up with you anyway? Yeah, thats how I feel about blogging! I have known for months that I would be creating one of these, and yet I tried to get away with my very rare note on facebook. Oh, well, here it is, my blog. "Hi mom!" Oh, wait, my mom doesn't even use facebook, so not even my mom is reading this! Sad. Funny! LOL
Anyway, I kinda decided to go ahead and write a blog since I have been working on my photography website for the past 3 days. You can't be a photographer without a blog, right? So I hope that I actually really get into the habit of updating and all, although it is pretty pointless since my business will be in Spanish and I keep writing in English. Oooh... well... I will have to transalte myself, how fun! :P
So... I dont know what else to say. Enjoy this lame blog! Ha!

... I feel like I should say something about my experience in Scotland, but I am going to put it off until tomorrow so that I have TWO blog posts and it looks like I'm actually getting somewhere with this.
So... since I have nothing else interesting to say... sorry.


PS: I should really blog on my myspace music account... but I dont have much to say. Remind me later... mom? :P