Monday, November 9, 2009

I only blog ridiculously late at night... (348 am)

So I thought I would write a line or two for the two people who might read this. How sad is it that neither one of those two people is my mom? LOL. Hi Deanna. Hi Renee :)
So I guess that the biggest change in my life lately is that I have started teaching more English lessons. It's good money, and its easy money, so what's not to like? Ultimately this is going to allow me to have more money and more time off, so I can dedicate that to my music and photography.

The only other "update" is that I am feeling more relaxed these days. There have been things stirring up my heart lately, things that I won't speak of on a public blog. Anyway, I finally came to the end of my rope and definitely rested it in God's hands. I admit that I feel doubt and see how I could start slipping into overthinking, obsessing, getting paranoid, but I am doing a pretty good job at stopping myself. I have little conversations with God throughout my day, when I see this happening. I can definitely see myself moving forward from this dark place.
I attribute this small victory to a conversation I had with my dad the other day. I was telling him that I don't like to get my hopes up about things that may not happen, so I tend to be somewhat of a pessimist. He kindly told me that I should allow myself to think that things will work out in the end. He said something like "You don't want to get your hopes up and be hurt if it doesn't work out in the end, but you allow yourself to always be thinking that your worst fears will come true. You try to protect yourself, but it doesn't work because eventually instead of hurting ONCE if it doesn't work out, you hurt every couple days when you let your thoughts get to you"
So basically... my dad is right, just don't tell him I said that. He.Would.Love.It. Haha.
This is all to say that, again, in my dad's words: "What happens, happens. What doesn't, doesn't." I am just really getting to that point where I realize that life goes on, and I never know what's around the corner. I am ready to be happy with where my life is right now. This doesn't mean that I will stop working on my future, it just means that I will try to not get too frustrated with where I am now! YAY!

One more thing, I am planning on working on some more of my music. Music has been on the back burner for the past couple of months as photography was taking most of my attention. I even thought about quitting, but ultimately decided against it. I am hoping to finish more songs, record more tracks, and just dive right into that process again. I even have the opportunity to try to get that scholarship in Boston again... but I don't think I'm gonna try out. Ultimately I dont really want to be living in Boston next year. I would LOVE to go to that school... I just don't feel like that is where God is leading me right now. Anyway... this is it. Keep me in your prayers.

love love!