It is 2:16am. I am tired. I am not getting anything productive done. Why am I still up?
Lately I've been thinking that perhaps I am pushing myself too hard. I have a day job, and it does not involve a single click of a camera. Nope. For any of you who didn't know, I am an English teacher during the day and your friendly neighborhood spiderman at night. Oh, wait... substitute the word "spiderman" for "photographer".
Clearly, I need more sleep.
As I am finishing up the wedding season, I can see how for a while now the three words that send shivers down the spines of the young and old equally have already started to sound increasingly loud, until inevitably becoming quite deafening. "Back. To. School."
I think I hated the idea as a child, and I will admit that I probably hate it even more as an adult.
Kinda bad when you're the teacher, huh? The issue for me right now is that all of my work, my busiest two times of the year, are happening at the exact same time. It's a little bit hectic. And I'm starting to think that it might be a little too much. Which is quite a statement to come from a potential workaholic.
Of course, this has been a particularly stressful week for me, both in my business and personal life..
I won't go into details, but instead say that a situation came up this week where I was challenged both as an entrepreneur and on a personal level. I do not like confrontation. I find that the older I get the less I am interested in drama. It's funny to me how many times we all tend to make small situations into something huge. We overreact, we are hurt, and sometimes we even cause the hurt... and without even necessarily knowing it at the time, it seems like more often than not it's all pretty much just for the sake of drama. Well, none for me thankyaverymuch!
Through this situation I found that even though I wanted to crawl under my desk and hide, it was instead time for me to stand out into the open and put my foot down for what I believed was the right thing to do. Not just for me, but I believe in everyone's best interest as being the solution to many of life's problems. If I hate it when people act selfishly, I should probably at least do my part and make sure that I am not doing the exact same thing myself.
In taking care of this situation I found that I was learning how to say no. I have spent so much time trying to keep everybody happy that I forgot one of the very first words that I ever learned how to say! Isn't that ridiculous?
So if you are going to leave today and take any of these middle-of-the-night-ramblings with you... hold on to this: Pace yourself. Act lovingly. Don't be a drama queen. Put other people first. But every once in a while do remember to decide when you need to put your foot down. What is really going to make a difference? What are you really not willing to compromise? Then, put yourself first. Choose to say no. Because sometimes on the journey towards learning to love others, you find that you also need to first learn to love yourself. If you would tell a friend to take a break, you need to allow yourself to do the same. You can't keep going if you're passed out from exhaustion.
Take a minute, breathe... you'll be much better because of it. And who knows? You might even sleep better at night!
Well, I really just felt like writing a little tonight. I hope some of this actually made sense.
If it doesn't, well... I blame it on Spiderman. I probably should have stopped right then and there!